Dating The Real Identity

By Henry Bagdasarian

Instead of calling this article "dating the real identity", I almost called it “dating the right identity”. Then I thought the term “right identity” doesn’t describe the nature of any identity well because the identity could be either real or false but still be the right identity. Sometimes dating the false identity is not a bad thing, especially if the relationship is pleasant. So, I changed the title of the article to “dating the real identity”. What I mean is that a false identity may not be such a bad thing when dealing with people if the identity suits us. On the other hand, a real identity may not be as convenient. For example, the real identity of the person you are dating might include criminal background while the false identity of another person might be quite pleasant and convenient like allowing the person to drive another’s Ferrari, assuming another’s fame, nationality, passport or fortune. Have you ever wondered whether you’re dating the real identity?

We deal with a variety of people in our lives such as coworkers, family members, life and business partners, as well as people we date. We usually spend more time with our coworkers than our families, friends and people we date. If you work for a large company in a regulated industry, chances are that people are who they say they are due to the extensive background checks. However, if you work for smaller companies in not so regulated industry, no background check is completed and you have no formal confirmation of people’s identity you work with. But what about people you meet at the bars, coffee shops, restaurants and other public places? Now, if you just have casual conversation with these people for a few minutes, you wouldn’t care whether their identities are real or false. But, what if you start dating them, are you convinced you are dating the real identity? Would you want to know who they really are and validate where they come from and what they possess or do? I’m not suggesting that all identities are false but what I can guarantee is that not all identities in our society are real, complete or accurate either.

I remember a guy I worked with years ago at a restaurant. He was pretty religious, married and had one little child. He was very courteous to his wife and others and always talked about his rich uncle. Once in a while, he’d show us an envelope with a lot of cash inside telling us his uncle gave it to him as a gift. One day, as we were watching TV, his picture came up in the news; he was killed in his house after his wife and young child were tortured and killed in front of him. They later said it was drug related and he was a drug ringleader. I never suspected he was someone else, and took him for whom he was; a nice guy, hard working, and family oriented. I wasn’t suspicious of his identity at all while working with him maybe because I didn’t really care, but what about his wife, did she know who he really was? Would she have considered dating the real identity and have kids had she known? To this date, I don’t know if she knew.

Assuming that not all identities presented to us are real, complete or accurate, and also assuming that most people would want to be dating the real identity, you need to question the identities, which you plan to get married with, start a business with or bring into your house for cleaning and baby-sitting purposes. We may not have any vested interest in knowing the real identities of our coworkers but once we get into real partnerships, we may endanger our lives and the lives of our children and others as illustrated in my personal story above.

Knowing the risks and what’s at stake, should you do a background check on the people you want to do business or get married with? Should you validate the identities to make sure you are dating the real identity? I would say yes especially if you did not have adequate time for due diligence. For example, some people who are dating and hopefully dating the real identity might decide to get married after a very short period of dating time. These people do not have enough time to meet the family and friends of the person they are dating while they prepare for a quick wedding in Las Vegas. A background check makes perfect sense in these cases or when they plan to invite a perfect stranger into their house to take care of their kids and other personal things. Why is a prenuptial agreement OK before the wedding and after dating the real identity, but a background check agreement is not OK? Isn’t a false identity potentially more dangerous and deadly if not discovered on time? Would you want your kids to have a criminal parent? Would you ever want to endanger your kids’ life? If your answer is no, then you need to make sure people you bring into your house or life, people you commit the rest of your life to, and people you partner with to have kids or do business are who they say they are. You can decide how to ensure you are dating the real identity, but agreeing to mutually complete a background check in situations where you lack sufficient time to do your own due diligence, quickly provides you with the confidence that you are dating the real identity of the person you plan to marry or even date for a longer period of time. It’s then up to you to decide if you like the real identity.

Go to the identity theft prevention section from "dating the real identity".